i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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