Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
