Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
