I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
