All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize