ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
