He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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