And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
