the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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