I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize