i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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