ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
