I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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