I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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