i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
