I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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