is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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