you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
