Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize