this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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