Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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