he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
