Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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