I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
