I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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