ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
