if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
