guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
