No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
