i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
