She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
