I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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