i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
