Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
