i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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