I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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