I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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