dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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