So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
