He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
