I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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