Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
