Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
