Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
