it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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