glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
