I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
