get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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