Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize