I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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