Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How's work?
Spinning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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