Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
