And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
