Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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