Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
