I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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