I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
