I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
