There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
