Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
