I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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