Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
