the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
