i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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