on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
