the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i dont even know how to be here
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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