I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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