I hope mine doesn't look like that
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
