i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
