Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
That's intense
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
