That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
