the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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