dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Damn victory sex feels great
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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