I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
