ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
