My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
