I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
