I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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