I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
