you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
