i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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