I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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