brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
