awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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