he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
