he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
