just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
