Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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