I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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