Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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