So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
