Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
