Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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