insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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