Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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