super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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