He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
