i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
