mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
