my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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