No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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