is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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