Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
