so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
