By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
