My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
