I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
