Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
